Pregnant mom keeps baby name a secret from parents after they pressure her to change it, they lash out: 'Extremely insensitive and intrusive'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 24, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Not everyone loves surprises. Some people would be angry if they were on the receiving end of a surprise party. They want time to prepare, mentally and physically, and can't stand not being in control. (By the way, it's important to know where your friends fall on this issue before you try to throw them a party). But it goes beyond birthdays. Pop quizzes are famously hated because they are surprises. If you run a restaurant, a surprise health inspection is always a looming threat. And if a random loved one calls you unexpectedly, it's not always a good thing. 

But some things are surprises for a good reason. It can be the perfect way to ask for forgiveness, not for permission. That's exactly the situation one woman found herself in after she decided to keep her chosen baby name a secret from her family. But their reaction wasn't what she had hoped for. Read on for the story.

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    via Camylla Battani
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    AITA for defending my sister's right to keep her baby's name secret until after the birth?
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    My little sister is pregnant with her first baby and our family of parents, other siblings and even aunts and uncles, are all going crazy wondering what name she's going to give her little one.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    My sister has been asked and she has made it clear the name is not going to be known by anyone but her and her husband until after their baby is here. We all know she's having a girl and our family have some very strong ideas about names. I think one of the
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    reasons she's so quiet about her choice is because our family tried to get me to change the names of my three children and they were about my children's names; Piper, Rowan and Skye. My family prefers classic/royal family names. My kids do not have those kinds of names. The fact my husband and I
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    announced the names before the birth really went badly for us. We were both sick of it each time. But we'd forget ourselves with the excitement of each pregnancy and we'd announce because we loved the names. Of course my family never put anything negative online because the reaction there was very positive.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    I have an idea of what my future niece's name will be. Well, I have two actually, and neither name is something my family would approve of. It makes me SO proud that my sister learned. from me and decided to keep quiet on the name.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    Our family keep talking about it though and they're also trying to make her give in. They say she must have some horrible name picked out and doesn't want to be told they need to change it. Or they're under the belief she has chosen the name of someone they dislike. But I
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    think the former is the more popular thought amongst the family. I have defended my sister each and every time the rest of the family starts this . I told them she and her husband have every right to wait to announce the names, that most people wait and it makes sense given their (my family's) reaction previously.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    This became a fight with my parents who told me they have every right to know beforehand. I said they don't. Only the parents of the child have that right and not all babies get named beforehand anyway. They told
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    me it wasn't my business anyway and I returned that it's also none of theirs. They are the ones trying to go against my sister and BILS wishes. I told them my sister has the right idea and they need to accept it and stop before they push her away or have limited info about their new
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    granddaughter. They told me I was being crazy and acting like they were doing something wrong which they are not, in their mind. They told me I better not have been a bad influence on her with names. I rolled my eyes. They got so mad at me that they told me I owed the family an apology for how I have been treating them.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    Plokhi · 4 hr. ago NTA, grandparents injecting themselves into picking the name if they weren't explicitly asked about is extremely insensitive and intrusive.
    via u/Plokhi
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    MixtureDelicious7757 OP. 4 hr. ago Yep. And it's frustrating because it's a no win. You say you don't know and they keep making suggestions and telling you what to name them. You tell them the name
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    and they make comments if it's not exactly what'd they'd choose. Or they know you've picked but don't tell the name and these comments happen.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    CrazyMinute69. 4 hr. ago NTA It's your sister's baby's name. It's not your secret to tell, so definitely. Not the *******
    via u/CrazyMinute69
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    MixtureDelicious 7757 OP. 4 hr. ago I wouldn't tell even if she had told me. I fully support her keeping it private until after the birth.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    Mustang6577 4 hr. ago NTA. It's your sister's baby and her choice. Also, why are they 'going crazy'? Do they want to know so they can buy the child a gift or something?
    via u/Mustang6577
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    MixtureDelicious 7757 OP. 4 hr. ago It's so they can know whether she, like me, went against the names they like so they can then pressure her into changing it.
    via u/MixtureDelicious7757
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    SneakyRaid 4 hr. ago · NTA but, for your peace of mind, stop engaging. Let them throw a tantrum if they want, they will achieve nothing. Besides, placing boundaries is about what you do: don't tell them "stop doing this", say "if you do/mention this, the conversation/visit is over". Perhaps having real consequences will drive the point home. Or not. But you won't have to get a headache.
    via u/SneakyRaid
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    • Helln_Damnation 4 hr. ago OOP should tell parents that the name is Appelon'disa or something else made up, and just sit back for the fireworks.
    via u/H***n_Damnation

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funny names long term relationship aita baby baby names pregnancy pregnancy announcement kids relationship-drama relationships couples names baby name pregnant Reddit naming nicknames name children
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